Life and Writings of Brother Rafael (14)

18th February, 1938

 

YOU LORD, ARE MY HOPE

Lord, Lord, do not delay.  Help me.  See how my feet are so wobbly if I see myself alone.  Look, I do not know how far I shall go,, and I would like, Lord, to go to the finish, but when I see my feet bloody and in such great pain …. will I endure?

Do not leave me, good Jesus.  Protect me, Virgin Mary.

I do not know why I am writing this … I do not know the purpose.  Who is going to read my weaknesses and my miseries?  I do not know and do not care, but it is a consolation for me, since I communicate with no one, to cover sheets of paper and write as if I were writing to Jesus himself.  Perhaps this will serve as my prayer and he will hear me.

Sweet solitude that makes the soul come closer to Jesus and seek only him.

Sweet penance, unknown to men, that causes one to weep in silence without anyone other than Jesus being aware of it.

Happy-happy a thousandfold- when at the foot of the Cross of Christ I recount my afflictions to him and only to him; I offer him my deep happiness at seeing myself loved by him;  at other times, I offer him my aching and distressed soul that sees itself so alone in tribulation;  I water the wood with my penitent tears …. And I sing and weep; and …. I only know to ask for love …. love in order to wait …. love, to suffer …. love, to enjoy ….  And there are moments when nothing in the world matters to me-neither man nor beast, neither darkness nor sun.  ….  There are moments when I even forget hunger …. I should like to die with my arms around the Cross of Jesus, kissing his wounds, drowning myself in his divine blood, forgotten by everything and by everyone.

Happy, a thousand times happy am I, although in my weakness I complain sometimes.

I desire nothing.  I want nothing except to do God’s will meekly and humbly, to die someday embracing his Cross and to go to him in the arms of the Most Holy Virgin Mary.

So be it.