The following first appeared as an article in “Spirituality” (Dominican Publications, Dublin), Feb/Mar 2005 edition.  It is reproduced here by kind permission of the editor.

Consecrated Widowhood

From time to time we receive enquiries from widows about the possibility of entering our monastic community.  Usually there is no possibility at all: age, health, or family commitments preclude them from taking on our fairly rigorous lifestyle.  But these women sincerely desire to dedicate themselves more fully to God and to a life of prayer and service in the Church.  They sense a call to ’something more’.  I have often wished that we could point them in some other direction, offer them something more than just a bald refusal.

Recently I learned that there is such an option: consecrated widowhood.

Consecrated widows: the New Testament witness

          Early Christianity knew of widows who dedicated themselves, precisely as widows, to following Christ and serving the church in chastity, prayer, and service.  Speaking of such women and their enrolment in this “Order of Widows”, the first letter to Timothy says,  

“A woman who is really widowed and left on her own has set her hope on God and perseveres night and day in petitions and prayer. …Enrolment as a widow is possible only for a woman at least sixty years old who has had only one husband.  She must be a woman known for her good works – whether she has brought up her children, been hospitable to strangers and washed the feet of God’s holy people, helped people in hardship or been active in all kinds of good work” (1 Tim 5:5, 9-11).

Consecrated widowhood existed in the Church for several centuries, as we know from references in the works of early Christian writers.  But gradually the lines differentiating between this state and what we would now call “religious life” became blurred.  Eventually consecrated widowhood in its own right effectively disappeared.

          Recently, however, it has experienced a revival, just as consecrated virginity has done.  This is particularly so since Vatican II, although a group of war widows in France were organizing themselves as committed Christian widows as far back as the 1940s.  It has re-emerged with a significant new slant: it is now a possibility for men who have been widowed too.  Vita Consecrata, the 1984 Apostolic Exhortation of Pope John Paul II on consecrated life in the church today, speaks of this state:

“Again being practised today is the consecration of widows, known since apostolic times, as well as the consecration of widowers.  These women and men, through a vow of perpetual chastity as a sign of the Kingdom of God, consecrate their state of life in order to devote themselves to prayer and the service of the Church” (Par. 7).

          Here and there in various countries, widows and widowers have committed themselves in their widowed state to God, making a vow of chastity, embracing the poverty of their widowed state, and putting prayer at the centre of their lives.  Usually they continue to live in their own homes, carrying out their duties to their families, and in whatever way each one discerns, engaging in some active ministry to others in need, for the love of Christ and the Gospel.  They may meet together occasionally for mutual exchange and support, as circumstances permit, or with women who are consecrated virgins, with whom they share many significant aims and values.

Requirements

          Those who may embrace this state of life are widows and widowers who have been sacramentally married and have lost their spouse through death.  Usually they will discern a call to this consecration through prayer, discussion with a spiritual director, and consultation with someone who is already living this life.

          “Formation” consists of living the lifestyle for a couple of years and seeing if “it fits”.  Ongoing guidance from a director, and contact with another consecrated person or persons, is desirable.

          If the candidate continues to sense that this call is from God, it is up to her or him to approach the local bishop and ask to be admitted to this consecration. References will be required, along with evidence of maturity and ability to live such a commitment.  The candidate’s motives and lifestyle will be examined.  When the bishop is satisfied that the candidate is suitable and agrees to the request, the rite of consecration takes place.

The rite of consecration

As no evidence survives to tell us what kind of rite or ceremony was used in the early church for the consecration or “enrolment” of a widow, a new rite has had to be developed.  The one outlined below is in use in Britain today; it has been adapted from the rite of consecration of virgins.

The consecration of a widow takes place during Mass, usually presided over by the bishop.  After the homily the bishop asks the candidate to come forward, and addresses her in these or similar words: “God created man and woman in his own image.  He wants their union to be the sign of his love.  And yet, he allows that sometimes those who are joined together by the sacrament of marriage are separated by the death of one of them.  You are here today to invoke God’s blessing on your widowhood, a state of life you did not choose or want, but one which you have accepted in response to the call of God who loved you first.  Already, in baptism and confirmation and marriage, your life has been consecrated to God.  Today, this consecration takes on a new form: you are saying ‘yes’, freely and out of love, so that your life as a widow in the world will be to experience a new fruitfulness and to become a sign of hope and of resurrection, for the glory of God.  Like Mary, you say ‘yes’ to God’s new call in your life: ‘Be it done unto me according to your word.’ “

The bishop then asks the candidate, “What do you ask of God and of the Church?”  She replies, “I ask to consecrate my widowhood to God.”  The bishop questions her again: “Do you wish to make the vow of chastity in order to become ever more deeply united to Jesus Christ?”  She replies, “I do, by the grace of God.”  And the bishop asks: “Do you wish to live in a spirit of poverty and of obedience to God’s will?”  Again the candidate answers, “I do, by the grace of God.”  The bishop now puts a question to the congregation: “As witnesses to this, do you promise to help her in her commitment?”  And the people answer, “We do.”

The litany of the saints follows, which includes the invocation of various widows such as Saints Monica, Elizabeth of Hungary, Bridget of Sweden, and Frances of Rome.

After the litany, the candidate pronounces her Act of Commitment, in the following words: “In the presence of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and before the Church, I pronounce, for life, the vow of chastity.  To support this consecration of myself to God I embrace also the spirit of poverty and obedience to the Church.  May the Lord Jesus receive this gift of myself: all that I am, and all that I possess.  May he accept my offering for the good of his Church and especially for my family and for widows and families everywhere.  May the married love I shared with my husband enhance my gift, and may our union which this vow renews, for ever glorify God.  Since Christ gave his mother Mary to us to be our mother, I entrust myself to her protection and place in her maternal care my desire to remain faithful.”

The bishop then prays: “Lord our God, whose love for us is eternal, you manifest your strength through the weakness of those who hope in you, and you order all things for the good of those who love you.  Look on our sister who has experienced the loneliness and loss of widowhood.  Help her to know that Jesus shares her suffering and will lead her into his resurrection.  Send your Spirit upon her so that she may receive the power to serve the Church with faith and courage, in hope and joy.  We ask this through Jesus Christ, our Lord.”

The candidate’s wedding ring is then blessed by the bishop: “Lord, renew your blessing on this ring which N. received on her wedding day.  This ring is a sign of her love for her husband.  As it continues to symbolise that bond of love, may it also witness to her love for you, the living and true God.”

A cross which the consecrated widow will wear is also blessed: “Lord, it is your will that we should be saved by the cross of your Son.  We ask you to bless this cross which day by day will recall for N. the greatness of your love for her shown by Jesus Christ on Calvary.”

The bishop then invokes a blessing on the consecrated widow:

“Give her, as to the widow of Zarephath, the grace to trust you even when trusting seems impossible.  [Amen]. 

Give her, as to Anna the prophetess, the grace to persevere in prayer and in vigilance.  [Amen]. 

Give her, as to the poor widow in the Temple, the grace to give what is of great value to her.  [Amen]. 

Give her, as to the women on Easter morning, the grace to be a messenger of your love and of your victory over death, sharing your love with those you entrust to her.  [Amen]. 

Give her, as to Tabitha and Lydia, the grace to serve your Church.  [Amen]. 

Give her the grace to take Mary as her model, saying, ‘I am your handmaid, let it be done to me according to your word’.  [Amen].”

Finally, the bishop concludes with this prayer: “All powerful and eternal God, you hold all time and the destiny of all you created in your hand.  Grant that, as a consecrated widow, N. may more and more live for you alone, in joyful obedience and loving service which you and your Church will indicate to her.  Through the Passion and Cross of her Saviour, bring her one day to the glory of the Resurrection, when she will be with you, united with her husband and your Church in heaven in praising you for ever.  We ask this through Jesus Christ, our Lord.”

Spirituality

From this rite, in which the church’s understanding of consecrated widowhood is expressed, we can pick out some core elements of the spirituality of this state. 

Love:  The widow is one who has known the great joy of married love, symbol and reflection of God’s love for people.  That love has not ended, despite the death of her husband, and her commitment does not negate it but is enhanced by it.  She will continue to live in love, knowing and trusting in God’s love for her, and seeking to express that love in concrete ways towards those others for whom she has responsibility or whose lives touch hers.  Her wedding ring continues to be a symbol of her love for and fidelity to her husband, but also now in a new way becomes a symbol of her love for God.  Her cross is a symbol and reminder of the love of God expressed in the self-offering of Christ on Calvary.

Hope:  The Christian widow lives in the belief that Christ has conquered death.  Her life in the world now is to become a sign of that hope, for the glory of God.  The first letter to Timothy describes the true widow as one who “has set her hope on God.”  The widow will manifest God’s power in her life, not because of her own strength, but because she places all her hope in God.  The ability to live in hope and joy are a gift of the Holy Spirit, invoked in the prayer immediately after the act of commitment.  Pope Pius XII, who was one of the first in modern times to outline a spirituality of widowhood, speaking in 1957 to women who had lost their husbands in the second world war, said, “The widow has a bitter cup to drink.  Widowhood is a very heavy cross, but a cross which can also be a sign of hope.”  Pope Paul VI, at Lourdes in 1967, told widows: “in our world, which is bewildered by its own selfishness, you will be witnesses to hope and to the blossoming of life.”  And Pope John Paul II has said that “Because she often looks towards heaven, to her Father’s house where her husband now lives, the widow is able to bring hope to a world which so often has lost hope or has put its hope in passing idols.”

Prayer: The widow, according to the first letter to Timothy, is one who “perseveres night and day in petitions and prayer.”  Vita Consecrata speaks of widows consecrating their state of life “in order to devote themselves to prayer and the service of the church”, prayer taking first place.  In the blessing which the bishop pronounces over the widow, he asks God to “give her, as to Anna the prophetess, the grace to persevere in prayer and in vigilance.”  The widow must first and foremost commit herself to prayer in order to foster her own relationship with the Lord, and to maintain her commitment without faltering.  She can also perform a tremendous service for the church through her prayer of intercession for the suffering and helpless people of the world.  Pope Paul VI exhorted widows to prayer: “First, pray in order to contemplate what God has done for you and what he does not cease to bring about for you and with you.  Then pray in order to unite yourself to Christ who dwells in you.  Pray to him in order to offer him your life, its sorrows and its joys.  Pray in order to cast all your cares on the Lord, those family cares which are oppressing you.  Also, pray in order to hear the words of Our Lady, which are both a consolation and a programme for living: ‘Do whatever he tells you.’ “

Compassionate service:  The consecrated widow commits herself to service in the Church, the Body of Christ, as an expression of her love for her Saviour.  In response to the pain and trials of widowhood, the widow chooses not to yield to bitterness and negativity, but to allow her heart to be shaped anew, with deeper compassion and understanding of others.  From this springs a reaching out to others, the precise form of which is discerned by each one in her own particular circumstances.  The duties of her family life, her obligations to her children and any other dependants, come first.  After that, the widow will serve Christ in others according to the needs around her, her own gifts and talents, and the events of life as they unfold.  Her particular service will, as the concluding prayer of the rite of consecration says, be indicated to her by God and the Church.  Widows are uniquely placed to minister to other widows: “You will take to heart to witness to your faith firstly to the women who are going through a similar trial to yours.  In that way, you will be apostles to other widows, especially to those who do not believe or who no longer believe, to those widows whose distress has distanced them from God and from the Church” (Pope Paul VI).  And again, “A widow has a unique insight into loneliness and suffering.  Therefore, befriend those who are alone, and you will be less lonely.  Comfort those who suffer, and you will be comforted.  Serve others, and your life will radiate peace and joy” (Pope John Paul II).

Spread the word

There are many widows and widowers in the Church who have never heard of consecrated widowhood, but who are in fact living the kind of life described here, without any form of public commitment or ceremony.  Most of them would probably not wish to make such public profession, and are quite happy to live their baptismal commitment without any further consecration.  But there are some for whom the way of consecrated widowhood will be the best path, the most fruitful way to follow the call of God.  They will be attracted by the possibility of making explicit their commitment to chastity, prayer, and service in the Church; by the opportunity of making their commitment in public and having it publicly received and acknowledged by the Church; and of the support they will receive through contact with others who live in the same way.  As an option in the church’s tradition, it is good to make consecrated widowhood as widely known as possible.